Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
