Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
