it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And then he peed in my hair
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