Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
