You smell like stripper and shame
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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