How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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