I wish I could teleport
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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