btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
