She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
