What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
