im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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