i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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