I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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