I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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