Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
