I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
