She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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