ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
