She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
