I got chris browned last night
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this is an emotional support booty call
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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