Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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