god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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