I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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