help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Where is the hickey?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
