My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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