don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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