Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
