Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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