you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
