You just made me feel so damn special
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
