chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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