a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
