I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
