I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
