once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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