He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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