I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
