his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
