I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
