didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
