Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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