It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
