Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
