had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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