You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
