that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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