Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
