So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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