I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize