Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
