I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
