so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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