Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
