I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
