How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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