Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
