Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
