Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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