I want to have your abortion
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
