so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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