did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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