my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
