He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is the high leading the old right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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