Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
