in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
